


Eat or Be Eaten

by dysis



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Gen, Hunting for food (sort of), M/M, based on a real story, but A didn’t have a gun, funniest thing I’ve seen in years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-04-06
Updated: 2004-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-16 13:19:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14165694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dysis/pseuds/dysis
Summary: Disclaimer:Don’t own them, don’t get (or got) any money, so please don’t sue.Pairing:1+2Rating:PGWarnings:Incredibly tongue-in-cheek and irreverent.  Based on a real story, but A didn’t have a gun, so we _didn’t_ get dinner.  (smirk)  Funniest thing I ever saw too – I took pictures before passing out with laughter much as Duo did in the story.  (snicker)Archived:On my LiveJournal (dysisfaye).  Ask if you would like it elsewhere.Story ©Starsinger; Characters ©Gundam Wingand its owners; title and inspiration came from my partner (thanks A!)  (dodges flying fist)





	Eat or Be Eaten

“Are you sure about that?” Heero asked suspiciously.  
  
Duo nodded solemnly. “Positive. It’s a totally normal thing – all sorts of people do it in the wilderness. In fact, in some parks, they’ll even sell you the supplies!”

On anyone else, it would have been a sigh. On Heero, it was a slightly longer exhalation of breath. He glanced between Duo and the creature in question. “Mission accepted. Give me the bread.”

Duo passed it to him quickly. “Uh ... I think you’re supposed to break it up into little pieces,” he offered.

Heero frowned at Duo. “You’ve never done this?”

Duo shrugged. “If I’d seen a duck on L2, I would have brought it home for dinner,” he pointed out.

“Hn.” Heero crumbled the piece of bread in one hand, then walked towards the duck.

The duck backed off.

Heero frowned.

“Maybe if you kind of crouch down and hold some of the bread out towards it?” Duo suggested. “Then it can see you have something it wants.”

Heero considered this suggestion. Deciding it had merit, he crouched over a little bit and took some of the crumbled bread in one hand, holding it out to the creature that was eyeing him warily. “Here. Food.”

Duo smothered a laugh. “I don’t think it understands you, Heero.”

Heero glared at his partner. Duo shut up, but a smile played around his mouth.

Heero turned his attention back to the duck and began moving towards it again.

The duck quacked and backed away, waddling quickly down the path. Duo bit his lip. The laughter was getting harder and harder to hold in.

Heero scowled. He tossed some bread at the duck. “It’s food, baka!”  
  
The duck dodged the food and continued to move away as quickly as it could.

Heero froze, and the duck stopped, watching him carefully. Heero moved forward slowly, employing everything he’d learned about stealth and sneaking towards a target.

The duck was smarter than Oz soldiers. It backed off.

Duo started to giggle quietly. Even Heero’s death-glare couldn’t get him to stop.

Heero continued to stalk the duck slowly. The duck continued to waddle away. Heero began to move faster. The duck used its wings to keep its distance from Heero.

Duo leaned against a nearby tree, laughing hysterically. He wasn’t even _trying_ to smother it any more. It was too much for him.

Heero growled, whether at Duo or at the duck wasn’t clear. He ran at it.

The duck flew to a spot beyond Heero’s reach.

Heero snarled.

*BANG*

* * *

Quatre, Trowa and Wufei glanced up at the sound of the shot. Quatre looked at the other two, worried. “Do you think we should ...?”

All three boys looked in the direction Duo and Heero had gone to gather firewood. They listened for another sound.

“Maybe Heero’s finally carried through with his threats,” suggested Wufei. He sounded unconcerned.

Quatre frowned. “You don’t think ...”

Trowa shook his head. “No.”

  
Laughter preceded the arrival of the subjects of discussion.

“Duo, omae o korosu!”

More laughter.

The two boys appeared from between a couple of trees. Quatre’s eyes widened.

“Uh ...”

Heero threw down his burden, his face daring anyone to comment. “Dinner.” He stalked away, and Duo slumped to the ground, still clutching the wood he’d been sent to fetch, weak with hysteria.

Quatre, Trowa and Wufei looked at Heero’s present, and then turned as one to look at Duo.

“Hey guys – it’s an eat or be eaten world.” Snicker.

Silence.

Then Wufei’s voice, resigned. “So who’s going to clean it?”

~Owari~  



End file.
